Merry Jesusmas!!!

What is Jesusmas? Well, in all the holiday hustle and bustle, I think we’ve really lost focus on what Christmas is about. Is it merely about the gift giving and materialism? The friends and family? The decorations and TV specials? Or is it about something more? It’s easy to forget why we began celebrating at this time of year…

Thousands of years ago, pagans celebrated the winter solstice. Jesus came to earth to put a stop to this nonsense, which is why he timed his birth to occur almost exactly on the solar event. Of course we all know how the story goes from there: Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, sheep, a manger, three wise men, gold, frankincense, and myrrh. What you may not have heard about was the orgy that ensued, which was edited out of later versions of the Bible, along with the unicorns.

We often hear it said now that “Jesus is the Reason for the Season,” which I find suspicious due to the fact that there is no mall Jesus. Instead, we have a Mr. Clause. And while technically a “saint,” he is hardly a substitute for the Son of God. I have often thought that without the red suit and had, Santa Clause would look remarkably like a Renaissance-era God. This has led me to theorize that Santa Clause is actually God in disguise. Or vice versa. I have also thought that with mutton chops and a jumpsuit, Jesus would look like a Vegas-era Elvis. What does this mean? I’ll leave that for you, the reader, to decide.

Christmas means literally “More Christ,” and I think we should take time to remember what Jesusmas is really about. That’s why instead of giving gifts for the holiday season, I like to celebrate by getting virgins pregnant. And I encourage everyone in here to do the same. Merry Jesusmas!